The Root of All Evil

What I really hate about money is what it does to people. When I was a little girl I watched my parents struggle every day. They used every penny they had to put me in private school and make sure I was more than taken care of. I always felt privileged and loved, and what they don't know is that I knew what they were sacrificing. I used to cry myself to sleep at night thinking of how I was going to tell my dad that I dropped my glue at school and needed a new bottle. I will never forget what that was like. So, when I grew up, I attached much more importance to material wealth than I ever care to admit. I didn't realize it until a few years ago. It didn't motivate me, but it definitely kept me in a place I didn't belong. Money can afford us a sense of comfort that is hard to break away from. I hate that money can do that to people, good people who really don't even care about money. It can be so freeing to let that false sense of comfort go. So now, I don't even think about money. I pay my bills, I buy beer, I feed my dog, and if I feel like running out and buying a pair of jeans with my last $50 bucks, I do it. Somehow I know that I will have what I need, even if my bank account disagrees. I refuse, admittedly to a fault, to think about it. I will worry about stuff when it happens. I don't even have a credit card ( I know). I refuse to let it control me, unless I'm twisting my logic and by not letting it control me, it really controls me. I digress. What I'm really trying to say is that I am blessed to have the material things that I have, but if I lose everything, I really don't care. Not even a little. I know its dangerous to be so oblivious, but for me, having been on both sides, it is the only way I can be and keep my head where it needs to be and keep my motivations true. I'm pretty sure that I am overcompensating for mistakes that I have made in the past, but I think I have to in order to understand exactly what I have to learn. Maybe there is a more realistic balance, and I'm sure that in the future when I have to provide for people other than myself I will change, but I'm happy with being poor in the pocket and rich in spirit: I feel free and know that when I do what I do I am not doing it for some arbitrary, false reason.

Comments

[alicia]

I like it when my friend's, without even realizing it, say exactly what I need to hear. After being presented with a large vet bill, and then estimates for even larger vet bills, I am going to adopt your approach to money. F*** it. I like your insight.

[kirsten]

Wow! You don't have a credit card! Good for you; they only cause serious trouble.

I agree with Alicia. It's always funny when others voice what we're thinking, and it's always much needed. It's so easy to let money rule our lives, but then again, it's so easy to make the choice not to let it.