Too good to be true

"Moments of their secret life together burst like stars upon his memory."
"The Dead" James Joyce
What do you do when you realize that something that you thought was too good to be true, is. Do you keep going, enjoying every remaining second as you enjoyed it when you hoped and thought it would last; hoped and thought it was real? Do you protect yourself and start starting over again; now? Do you hang on longer than you know you should, but not as long as you want to? You knew it from the start; that little voice inside that says "this is too good to be true," or at least more than I deserve--too good for me. Do you appreciate it, him, for what he is and what he has taught you. You hope you can be that strong, but you know that all you will think about is that, although you have learned that there are truly great people, great men, that there isn't another him. Not even an imitation. We never know what life holds for us--thats what makes it fun--but when you find something better than you could ever imagine you want to keep it. You have faith that things will be as they should, but you can't help the hurt. Its selfish to want to keep him for yourself, selfish to even think it when you know that he is meant to be shared, meant for greatness. The feeling makes me remember "The Dead." I hated it when I first read it. I was told I would begin to appreciate it later. I do. Every time I think about real, meaningful relationships, I think of Gabriel and feel what he must have felt, what Joyce wanted us to feel. The snow, the lonliness, the despair. Such is life, such is living, such is love.

Comments

[brandi]

Ah, the merry-go-round. At least the colors are always beautiful - such a sight as it spins.

[alicia]

The Dead is one of my favorites too. There is a greatness in despair that we don't always appreciate. I see it in Alica Munro's work. Later, on my blog, I will post a paragraph from one of her stories that gives me goosebumps. Are you ok? I hope you know you are loved and often thought about.

[Christy]

I hated "The Dead" too the first time I read it. I think we read it together in Dr. Howells' Lit Theory class. But, I find it incredibly insightful and honest now. From one girl with a great guy she rarely believes she deserves, you deserve him, enjoy him, and make the most of every minute with him. He has restored my faith in humanity and love. If we are able to find someone like that, then we better hang on to them as long as we can. It isn't selfish, it's self-preservation. :) I love you and am wishing you the best.